Hello little sweetheart. I read this last night and thought it was lovely I really hope God is telling you all about your mummy and how much I love you.
"Dear Lord I would have loved to have held my baby on my lap and tell him about you but since I didn't get the chance would you please hold him on your lap and tell him about me?" x
Happy 9th Birthday to my precious little son / Mummy Read >>
Happy 9th Birthday to my precious little son / Mummy
Happy 9th Birthday Louis, I've missed you so much today, like I do every single day without you. The day has seemed so empty, I wish you could be here to share your special day, so I could hold you and kiss your beautiful little face again. You know how busy things are here, with your 3 little sisters, but never a day goes by without you being in my thoughts, and you're always in my heart. I hope you're happy that your sisters are having fun, they miss you too. I know you watch over us all and one day we'll all be together again. Until that day, please stay close and know how much I love you. Happy Birthday, love you. xxxxxxxxx
Your Birthday, by Mummy
Another year has come and gone, My boy's not here, it feels so wrong, I buy your cards and presents too, But all I really want is you.
Nine years ago I met my baby, Would he survive? they just said "maybe", I watched you wriggle, you seemed so strong, As time went by we were all proved wrong.
The doctor said you were going to die, My world fell apart, I started to cry, We'd only had two days together, I wanted my son with me forever.
Nine years have passed and you're not here, I treasure my memories, so precious and clear, I love you my beautiful, wonderful son, Happy Birthday sweetheart, with love from your mum. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi little man, I've read a lovely poem tonight and wanted to post it here because it says a lot about what's happened to your mummy in the last 9 years. Having you in my life, however briefly, was amazing and I wouldn't change it unless I could have you back forever. Maybe I could trade those 2 days for a lifetime with you? I wish I could.
I love you so much. Your birthday is in a few days and I'm thinking about what you should be doing, planning a party and getting excited about what presents you'll get. I know you'll have a great time where you are, you must have so many friends there now, but I still wish you could be here with us, every day I wish that.
Grief Grows
My grief will grow. Grow into what? Into an obsession, And I will think about you Every second of every moment In every day; Into depression – A big black hole that opens before me As I walk along. My grief will grow Into an anger so red and raw That I will not be able to see anything else. I will be blind with rage. Its fire will kindle in my soul Until I am burnt up, Consumed by the flames. My grief will renew Like the phoenix Rising purified from its funeral pyre. My grief will grow Into compassion – I will look into the eyes of another And see my own pain reflected there; Or into passion: I will commit myself wholeheartedly To the things that I believe. Grief will grow into seeds of love That I will scatter, And into gifts that I will give to others From the very depths of my soul. My grief will grow – Not into more grief. Perhaps one day my grief will grow Into hope: Hope that I can use All I have learnt To make a difference to someone else. Hope that I will no longer Wear my pain Like a badge on my sleeve, Or let it consume me so totally That it becomes the sum of who I am. Hope that whether or not I believe we will meet again Still I can behave as if we will, So that you can be proud of me. Hope that in our own time I will travel far enough To be worthy to have known you. Hope that I will know in my heart That to let go the pain Is to let in the love, And give it room to grow. Hope that one day my soul Will be so full of love That there will not be room for anything else. Then joy, and not grief only, Will be mine.
Hello sweetie, I hope you're being a good boy and having fun. It's a few minutes into my birthday and I'm so sad that you can't be here to share my special day. In the morning your little sisters will wake me up with hugs, kisses and presents. I'll miss you, like I miss you every day. Silently usually, but it always hurts that you're not with us, that won't ever change.
9 years ago me and you were sharing a holiday in Fuerteventura, it was lovely and sunny, I spent 2 weeks relaxing, swimming, and feeling you move when the sun was on my tummy. We shared some really special moments on that holiday, you'd started to wriggle a lot, and I was getting to know you. I had my 32nd birthday there, and we came home a week later. 6 days after we got back, things went wrong and you were born the following day. Tiny, but perfect and very beautiful, I was desperate to hold you close to me, and I still feel that strong need now.
Please stay close to us tomorrow, share my birthday like you always do, close in my heart but somewhere else. I love you more than words can say, it still seems so unreal that I have the rest of my life without you here. Your sisters make my life so good, I hope you're happy that we're having fun, it's never going to be the same without my precious little boy, but we're making the most of what we have for now. We all miss you so much sweetpea.
Hello sweetheart, just wanted to let you know I love you loads. I've been watching Cara getting bigger and starting to make ooo noises at me, she's so lovely. I feel her chubby warm cheeks against my face and I miss you so much, I never got to hold you till after you'd been taken by the angels. I stroke her soft back when she's ready for a bath and I miss you because we never had those special times to share. I look at her tiny fingers and toes, wonder how chubby yours would have been, and what size shoe you would be in now.
She squeaks when she's waking up, would you have done that? She smiles as soon as she sees me in the mornings, and I just want to hold her and keep her safe. I feel so sad that I couldn't keep you safe and bring you home, I'm so sorry. You know if there was anything I could've done, I would have done it.
Never forget how much mummy loves you, I miss you every day and will never stop thinking of you.
As I type this, Cold Play are on TV singing Yellow, the song I cried to every day that summer. Is it a sign that you're close?? I came here tonight to say I thought of a song today & the words are here for you. The last line of the first verse doesn't seem right, but the rest of the words are lovely. The day you left me seemed to be the end of the world - and it definitely was the end of 'that world', the world before you, before I was a mummy and knew what it felt like to love a child of my own. My world has carried on without you but it's a different world now, one where I carry you with me every single day, you are never far away and I think about you all the time.
It took me a long time to believe I could live my life without you, and although it's hard and hurts whenever I dare to think you've gone, I will carry on and live life as best I can for your sisters and to keep your memory alive. I will never forget how desperate I felt for such a long time, and when I hear of someone else losing their baby I just want to take their pain away. You are the reason (along with some other angel babies) for Leicestershire Pebbles, I am very proud of you and what your tiny life has pushed me to do, I couldn't have done anything like that if it hadn't been for your precious time with me. Even 48 hours on earth has changed so many lives, I'm sure there aren't many people out there who have done so much in such a short time. I have found some amazing friends because of you too, so amongst all the sadness of not having you here, I know that you've changed so much for me and many other people. You're a clever little man, I love you so much and will be your proud mummy forever.
Here are some words for you sweetheart.
Why does the sun go on shining Why does the sea rush to shore Don't they know it's the end of the world 'Cause you don't love me anymore
Why do the birds go on singing Why do the stars glow above Don't they know it's the end of the world It ended when I lost your love
I wake up in the morning and I wonder Why everything's the same as it was I can't understand, no I can't understand Why life goes on the way it does
Why does my heart go on beating Why do these eyes of mine cry Don't they know it's the end of the world It ended when you said goodbye
Why does my heart go on beating Why do these eyes of mine cry Don't they know it's the end of the world It ended when you said goodbye
Hello sweetheart, we missed you so much over Christmas. We had a much better time this year, last year we'd just lost Grandad and everyone was feeling so sad, but this year we have your beautiful little sister, Cara, and we had a happy day. You know that no matter how happy I am, I will never be 100% happy because you're not here, you are missing from our lives and having you here would make me the luckiest mummy around. Our house is very full and busy with 3 little girls, but I would give anything to have you here with us all, things would be so very different. Lydia is the oldest, but in reality she isn't MY oldest, all the dynamics are wrong. You are the oldest, you're the only boy, yet I'm seen as a mummy of 3 girls, not many people think of me as having a son.
I wish I knew how it felt to bring you home and watch you grow up, see your first smile. Cara has started to smile, she's amazing, but everything she does I have missed doing with you. It's so odd to have to wonder what my own child would look like, I should know, I should have school photos of you with missing teeth!
Please never ever forget how much mummy loves you. I will never forget the first time I saw you, that touch of your tiny hand in my finger tip, I was a mummy for the first time. No-one can ever take those precious moments away from me, and no-one can ever change our relationship, you're my precious little boy and I'm your mummy, forever. Miss you so much, and love you just as much as I love these gorgeous little sisters of yours. Watch over us all sweetheart, send me some signs when you can, and just have lots of fun until we can all be together again.
Thank you for keeping an eye on your new baby sister. Cara Mae was born on 20th November 2008, she had a guardian angel keeping her safe. I wish you were here to grow up with your three sisters, we love and miss you very much.
Just been thinking about you and looking at your special bright star which is amazingly hovering over your house again! You are only there shining when Mum is in and you follow us sometimes too! Hope you saw our fireworks on Wednesday. Charlie asked if you would have seen them and I told him you definitely would. Look after Mummy and her new bump and keep it safe for 20 more days.
Today should be your 8th birthday, I should be getting you a cake and tidying up the wrapping paper that you dropped everywhere before rushing off to school. Instead, me and Jodie have been to your grave with some yellow flowers, she helped to put them into the pot and asked lots of questions. It never seems real that you're not with us, I will never understand why you were chosen but know I have no choice but to make the most of what we have here. Your sisters are very special and they make me very happy, but there will always be some sadness without you here.
Soon we will have a new baby to love as well, but never forget that all 4 of you are my beautiful babies and I feel the same love for all of you. Just wish you could be with us too. Miss you so much, love you beyond words.
MY SPECIAL LITTLE NEPHEW XX / JANE WOLFE (AUNTY)Read >>
MY SPECIAL LITTLE NEPHEW XX / JANE WOLFE (AUNTY)
Louis
You were with us such a short time and we feel cheated out of sharing our lives and laughter with you. You have left a very large gap in our family but also a huge memory of a beautiful little person who is remembered with love.
We talk about you a lot and you are part of Lydia, Jodie, Lucy and Charlie's lives and they include you in many conversations. Even though we can't see you or touch you, we feel you're here. There is only ever one bright star over Cosby and it is always over Forrester Close!
Tribute to Louis / Patricia Copsey
Your love for your little boy shines through all your postings on TCF. So sorry he was with you such a short time,. Love from Simon's Mum Close
happy 8th birthday louis (sorry its late) / Emma Mummys Friend Read >>
happy 8th birthday louis (sorry its late) / Emma Mummys Friend
hi louis
im so sorry i didnt post you on your birthday we had computer trouble with a virus and also mollys not been well and back in and out of hospital but thanks to all you angels up there is home again and starting to recover even though i never poped by to leave you a message i did let a blue number 8 balloon go into the sky for you well gabby did your always in my heart louis keep mummy and baby bump safe and always watch over your beautiful sisters
hope your birthday was just as special as you deserved a big disco loads of chocolates cake and sweets and presents wow what a party that would be
i cant believe your 8 wow but 8 years gone to long from your mummys arms until that day shine down on all those that love you and miss you each day
sending you my love always hope your enjoying the puddles with your bike
Happy 8th Birthday Louis! I can't begin to tell you how much I wish you could be here to share it with us. I got you some balloons and a birthday candle, and lots of little bits for your 'garden'. I want to be able to buy you Spiderman toys (Jodie said you'd like Spiderman) and see your face when you open your presents.
I daren't think too much about the two days after you were born, so frightening and so very sad. It still hurts like it did back then and I sometimes can't believe you were taken away. Why? I didn't think I'd survive a day without you, let alone 8 years, but each day passes and you are on my mind and talked about every day. Your sisters never got to meet you but they know about you and include you when people ask about our family. Tonight we had friends round and Lydia said there were two boys in the house - my friend's son, and you. You are with us all, always.
Make sure you have a fantastic birthday, have lots of fun and a huge party, invite all your angel friends. I will never stop loving you and missing you every day, and remembering that first time I saw you and touched your tiny hand. So precious, nothing can take that away, and nothing will stop me being your very proud mummy.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I love you SO much.
Mummy. xxxxx
Big birthday hugs and kisses from your little sisters and the baby bump. xxx
Hello little man, just wanted to drop by and tell you how much I miss you. You're nearly 8 and we should be sorting out a party for you. Lydia's having a party next week for her 7th birthday, she's so excited. She's got a new bike, I wonder what you would've had?
I'm sure you know that mummy is having another baby, and I hope you'll keep an eye on us and help me through the difficult times, send me a hug now and then. You know it's difficult for me to keep my babies safe but the hospital are doing lots to take care of this one, like they did with your little sisters.
Hope you're still having fun with grandma and grandad. It's 20 years since I saw my mum, you give her a big hug from me. I missed grandad on his birthday, and Father's Day won't be the same without my lovely dad, so give him a special day and have lots of fun. Tell them we all love them very much.
Keep watching over us, stay close, and never forget how much mummy loves you. Miss you so much.
Another Mother's Day without you little man. I miss you so much and wish every day that you were here with us. I know you're with Grandma so you can have fun with her on Sunday instead, but keep an eye on us down here. Hope Grandad's having fun too, we miss you all so much.
Blowing lots of kisses up for you, make sure you catch them and send some down for me and your little sisters if you get time. We love you very much.
Christmas/ Mummy
Hello Louis, just wanted to say I hope you had a lovely Christmas. You've got a grandma and two grandads with you now, bet you had lots of fun yesterday. Grandad Bolton is new up there so you'll have to take care of him and show him the ropes, he'll love being with you though, he was always surrounded by lots of girls in our family, so he'll enjoy playing football with you.
Be good, look after Grandad until he's used to it up there, and tell him we all love him very much and miss him. Wish you could all be back here with us, but I know you can't, so just stay close and watch over us. Love you very much, and miss you so much it hurts.
Grandad/ Mummy
Hi sweetie, I just wondered if you could take care of Grandad, he was taken from us yesterday and now he's with you and Grandma. I know he'll look after you and I can imagine you both playing football. Tell him we're really missing him already, the girls want to put pennies into his frog money box and I miss my 11pm calls to him.
You will already know what a lovely man grandad is, we are very proud of all his achievements and his smiling face, all my memories are good ones (except when he raised his voice when we were naughty!).
I bet he'll miss his cuddles with your sisters, so make sure you give him plenty instead. Tell him we all love him very much and glad we had so many lovely years with him.
Love you little man, lots of love Mummy. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Close
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